My Struggle

So today I realized a couple of more things that I struggle with spiritually. I already knew that I had major issues with lust; and the further I think I get in that the further knocked back I get. I get it now, I can't do anything with it; I have to give it to God... But today I realized something else, huge that may hinder me from ministry. I've always had a bit of stage fright. Little nervous habits that I do when I'm in front of a group of people. I think that my brother/Director of Music and Fine Arts, Mike is grooming me to lead Praise and Worship more, and I think my pastor may be in agreement. Before service today I yelled at for the little nervous things I do like play with my earring, cross my arm over my body, and look up into the rafters. So after that my brother asked me to lead two songs today, okay whatever. But I guess I didn't lead them they way he wanted and he got mad and in between each song he switched back to leading. I'm sorry that was never something i was comfortable with. I was blessed with an okay voice but I've never been an adlbber. I just haven't and in this season that may prove to be a problem. The other thing I'm realizing I have problems with is authority. Like I think I always did to a certain extent and the recent issues at Antioch have kind of heightened them. But I have also realized that that needs to fall into subjection of God in this season because I am going to be who he has called me to be and that requires that I learn to be more obedient. So that is what i am working on right now..... Lord, I'm asking you to replace me!!!